What Planet Are You From?

Sometimes I like to do random things like quizzes, so here are my results from a fun one:

You Are From Jupiter

You are exuberantly curious - and you love to explore newness. Enthusiastic and optimistic, you get a kick out of stimulating intellectual discussions. Foreign cultures and languages fascinate you. You love the outdoors, animals, and freedom. Chances are you tend to exaggerate, so try to keep a lid on that. If you do, you'll continue to be known for your confidence, generosity, and sense of justice.

What Planet Are You From?

The Fight and the Revelation

The other day mom and I had a really, really bad fight. Yes, even in our relationship we have bad days and can tear each other apart. Right now it feels like mom and I are re-defining the way we see and relate to each other (and life) now that a major form of toxicity has finally been removed. So when we argue, sometimes it feels like we're fighting phantoms more than each other; you know? So after this fight I wrote a letter to apologize (I was quite upset when I wrote it). It was very honest, and it can take A LOT for me to be honest and open up my heart. I think it's because I'm so used to turmoil that I've learned to shut off and close up my heart. Needless to say, it takes the equivalent of a 9.7 earthquake for me to tear my walls down. When I do, however, I learn a lot about why I do the things I do, and more about who I am and what I think. Anyway, I was re-reading the letter and I saw parts of it that I thought could really apply to my walk with Abba. Then I started thinking that maybe more people could relate to these feelings, so maybe it would be good to share. I hope this helps someone, somehow. Maybe by just knowing that someone out there can relate to you and how you feel, or maybe just to see that we all make mistakes. Here goes...

"I don't know how to get my heart back. It's iced over with pain and blockages that stunt the love, compassion, mercy, trust and creativity that used to reside there. I'm always striving, waiting to let down my cold, hard mask in a safe place. But safety scares me because it doesn't feel as real to me as pain. Then you keep loving me when I don't give anything back. I can't feel, and you do, so you love. I don't return it because I don't know how, with the condition of my heart. I'm in a lot of pain, but unable to feel it, and unable to trust love to come in and heal it; because there's pain with that too. I feel so rough...so...stagnate. Like waters that stopped flowing a long time ago that don't know how to find their way back to sea. Sometimes when something moves me or touches me deeply I feel like there's still something alive in me. Something that proves there's still connection to the "big sea" somewhere out there. I guess kind of like God; my spiritual connection. I want to move forward and find my heart and my trust again. If I never do, though, I hope what's left of me is enough; and that you can still forgive me. I'm sorry that I'm damaged and incomplete. I only wish I was whole, and enough, but...I'm just sorry. I'm tired of feeling so sad all the time. I want the pain and sadness to go away so I can be free to live my God-given gift of life. I want to be happy, and to love without fear. I want you in my life, contrary to what I always tell you. It's what I think about myself (worthless, etc.) that I throw at you; not what I actually think about you. I love you, and I want and need you. Always."